Monday, October 18, 2010

The Monday Funday: Bible edition

Every morning when I wake I have about 472 twitters from people I "follow" quoting a bible verse or two that they've read that morning and were kind enough to share with the rest of us.

I like this. In fact I often retweet an inspirational verse or two for my own followers to enjoy with their morning coffee.

But while the Bible is chalk full of awesome inspiration it also contains some other verses that are not so... shall we say "Max Lucado" friendly. For every 10 verses talking about the love of God, there's that one talking about how much the author REALLY enjoys the sight of his wife. The kind of thing that makes grow ups blush and jr highers giggle.

In fact the Bible has all kinds of crazy verses in it. And so today for our Monday Funday lets look at some of the more obscure and hilarious verses in the bible (and ponder maybe how each of these God-breathed nuggets are "useful for teaching and rebuking")

1. Genesis 25:30 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)"He said to Jacob, "Let me eat some of that red stuff, because I'm exhausted." "

Sounds more like a quote from the Simpsons than the Bible.Technically this verse labels Esau as the official first redneck (they called him Edom which meant "Red"!)... so I guess the quote makes sense after all....  

2. Proverbs 25:24 says that it is "better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife," 

I wonder if the "pain in the butt" connection is actually a coincidence? I'd like to think not.

3. And I'm thinking of using this next method for my kids when they whine...

Numbers 11:18- "And tell the people to purify themselves, for tomorrow they will have meat to eat. Tell them, 'The LORD has heard your whining and complaints: "If only we had meat to eat! Surely we were better off in Egypt!" Now the LORD will give you meat, and you will have to eat it. And it won't be for just a day or two, or for five or ten or even twenty. You will eat it for a whole month until you gag and are sick of it. For you have rejected the LORD, who is here among you, and you have complained to him, "Why did we ever leave Egypt?"

"Whats that Justus? You'd rather eat a Fruit Roll Up than your dinner? Fine have it your way... you'll eat Fruit Roll Ups every meal, every day for a month!" ... hmmm, on second thought I think he just won that battle.

4. 2 Kings 9:20 The lookout reported, "He has reached them, but he isn't coming back either. The driving is like that of Jehu son of Nimshi--he drives like a madman."

Next time you get cut off in traffic roll down your window and tell that jerk he drives like a "Jehu".  Not only will you feel better, but the bewildered look on their face will  make it a double win. (Disclaimer: I'm not responsible if they go all road rage on you and wrap your mini-van around a pole. Use this tip at your own risk.)

5. Here's the international junior high girl verse... Job 13:5 "If only you would be altogether silent! For you, that would be wisdom."

6. And lastly here's one I've actually used:

Proverbs 27:14 "If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse."

 In college we had a guy in our dorm hall named Johnny who we affectionately dubbed "Decibels" since he was indeed the loudest person on the face of the planet.  We posted this verse on his dorm room door. No, it didn't help at all. 

What other verses have you run across that make you smile, laugh or do a double take? Do share and lets all enjoy a little Funday in our Monday!

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